Choices

choice

I have been trying to not be ‘fat’ for most of my life. I was called names growing up and as a child, those names will forever be embedded in my soul. I was pretty cute and a healthy size up until the 4th grade. I look back at old school pictures of myself and see the progression. My grandparents raised me from the age of 5-15 and I blame my full-blooded Italian grandfather-haha! He was always making me eat more and he always made me feel so happy and loved. I think I began to find comfort in his love and in the food. {I miss him}
I tried to stay active. I was in dance- took tumbling, tap, jazz; I played softball for 2 seasons, I wanted to be active! But I was painfully shy an insecure and the more I was teased about my weight, clothes, crooked teeth, etc.. The more introverted I became. I turned to video games, TV, pop, junk food, comfort food, and no one stopped me.

Looking back today, I was not FAT by any means. In high school, I was bigger but “average/normal”. I’d give anything to have my 17 year old body back! Hell, I’ll take 23!

Two babies later, I’m 4 days shy of my 29th birthday. I’m sad to think that my twenties were wasted. Wasted time battling and struggling with food addiction, and the yo-yo of dieting and tears.

But as I sit here writing this, with one hand, and a snuggly little 8 week old on my chest, I realize my twenties should be celebrated! I was young, having fun, enjoying life as it came. I fell in love, had heartbreak, learned lessons, made amazing friendships. I have lasting memories of laughter- like, pee-your-pants-laughter, which is the very best kind. I blasted the radio up in my car and sang my heart out. I danced at weddings, & I even danced in my underwear when no one was looking. {Greys Anatomy, anyone?} I partied, drank til I puked, & I loved til it hurt. I had amazing sex {and bad sex too haha}. I ate fast food. I tried new foods. I learned how to make sushi, homemade everything, & I even made a home-made business. I lived with passion. And most importantly, my body did something amazing: it grew TWO perfectly wonderful, human souls. I did all those things and so much more in my twenties. I have just ONE year left, and I’m going to make the most of it. I’m going to get healthy and fit so that I can rock my thirties.

This journey for me is going to be REAL. I am human. I am going to have realistic expectations, I’m going to live and eat the way real people do. I’m not going to sugar-coat my journey. {mmmm.. sugar..}

I’m going to work out when I can, eat what I want. But every day I’m going to make the choice to be a better version of myself and take the necessary steps to be my best me!
The difference for me today is, somewhere in the middle of my crazy twenties, I learned to love myself no matter what size I am or how I look. I honestly love myself and the person I’ve become inside! That is invaluable. I have no idea where it came from or how it got there, but it’s something within me that I may not always feel, but it’s in there when I need it most. I pray to God that I can pass this down to my children, especial my daughter. Now, I want to have my outside match my inside! I don’t want to be “skinny”… I want to be a healthy, fit, better version of me!

I started my ACE journey on September 16th, just 5 week after giving birth to our 2nd baby. My starting weight was 205lbs. One week later I lost 5lbs. A few days later, I joined the gym. My goal is to go 3 or more days a week, and commit to  my plank challenge {JOIN ME}. Even though I’m a distributor, last week I  ran out of ACE and I felt my energy levels drop and my cravings return. I began eating too much chocolate and drinking too much beer {I said I was going to be REAL}. Unfortunately, the scale hasn’t budge. It’s pissing me off that I cannot dip below 200. I want to see 199 desperately! I want to see those 100’s again and never look back. My goal is around 150 pounds.
I need to work on my water intake, making sure my ACE is always in stock, and making it a priority to choose to not order another beer, choose water over pop, and make as many healthy choices, every single day.
My healthy choices for today are- going to the gym, taking 2 ACE, and drinking 84 ounces water!

Piece of cake. {no cake!!}

I’m praying that I see 199 soon! I just can’t take it!
Wish me luck and please start your own journey to fitness and happiness!
I’m going to rock my thirties!
I choose me!

♥Leanna

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