Week 2

MONDAY
I’m writing this on Tuesday afternoon. I’ve been putting it off because of the shame I feel for skipping my workout yesterday. I’m so disappointed in myself.

I woke up knowing that I wouldn’t be able to work out during Brynlee’s nap time. I promised myself that I would make time in the evening, once she went to bed. I had company coming over and spent the whole morning grocery shopping and then the rest of the afternoon cleaning my house. I finished at 3:15, took a shower, and my guest arrived at 3:30. We chatted, had dinner, and the Bryan, Brynlee, and I met our realtor at 5:30 to look at some houses. We looked at 3 of them.. {I think we may have found the one!!!!} Got home around 7:45, layed on the couch for some tv time until it was time for Brynlee to go to bed and I fell asleep!! I was simply exhausted. I put B to bed and I followed after… guilt was plaguing my heart the entire time. I wanted so desperately to find the energy to get up and just do it… but I didn’t. I rationalized the fact that my body needed sleep. I’m so disappointed.

Here’s my dilemma:
Are these the same excuses that are keeping me fat and unhealthy?
Should I allow myself these days and forgive myself?
Or is this unacceptable?
I can’t change my body unless I change everything that’s led me and kept me stuck in this fat suit.

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So, I forgive myself.
I’m forgiving myself because it’s led me to a new understanding of what I need to change in this journey.
I need to change my thoughts.
I need to get rid if the excuses.
No more rationalizing NOT working out.
The next time I feel like skipping a workout, I will remember this feeling. I will remember that those choices will keep me in a place that I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be here anymore.

My goal for the end of week 2 is to have a 2lb loss {201 lbs}.
While doing the 30 Day Shred DVD, I will also go to the gym 3 days a week.
I CAN do this…

TUESDAY
With the guilt of last night still lingering, I decided to go to the gym today. I did about an hour of the elliptical plus my back stretches. I feel good!

WEDNESDAY
Had a delicious breakfast this morning!!! Plan on seeing Jillian today for another awesome shred workout! I NEED to have a 2lb loss by Friday, so I’m very focused on my workout, portion sizes, and water intake.
….
….
Did really good today! I did the 30DS, stretched, and drank more water than normal.. I definitely need to make water a priority. I just love all things not water! Haha! I think I’m going to challenge myself to just one full day with nothing but water. That sounds like fun! 😉 Although, I am most definitely a milk junky!!! I bet you thought I was a wine-o… While that may be true and I am quite possibly under the influence of a couple glasses right now, I love my milk.
So the challenge is accepted! all day- only water!! Damn, I just realized I can’t have coffee…. ok, one cup of coffee {come on! I have to have it} .. and then only water for the entire day.

I’d like to share a triumph with you all too. As I’ve mentioned before, I have big food issues. Addiction issues. Today, after work, my dear friend Julie and I went out for some girl talk and a bite to eat. We had a glass of red wine and I ordered a club sandwich with sweet potatoes.

Before anyone gets all judgy, let me reiterate: this journey for me is not about starvation or deprivation, it’s about real life. I will not succeed if I eliminate the good stuff. Been there, done that. And where has that led me? To continue to be 205lbs.

Tonight, I slowed down my eating and made a conscious effort to not scarf it all down. I wanted to just eat half and save the rest for later. I asked the bartender for a box right away,hoping for out of site/out of mind, but he didn’t bring it to me until I was finished with the first half. Let me tell you that was a test! It was like the sandwich morphed into the most delicious thing in the entire planet and was screaming out to me – “eeeeeaat MMMEEEEE!!!!” It was torcher, but…. I did it! I was comfortable and my body was satisfied. I actually listened to my body. So proud!!

THURSDAY
Oh man. Today was … a day.
I have a lot going on right now but on a positive note, I worked out and feel good!

FRIDAY
yay! 2 weeks! ok, so really its only been 9 days but I messed that up by switching my weigh in day. So, in 9 days I’ve lost 2lbs. I say it’s a success! It’s strange though, I lost the 2lbs in the first week and now I feel like I’m working out harder but I just flat-lined… oh well! Just 3 weeks to lose 5lbs now. I can do it!!!! 😉
💋Leanna

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One thought on “Week 2

  1. Congrats on only eating half of your meal! That’s what my journey is about, too. I’m trying to make real changes that I can stick to for the rest of my life. What’s the point of going on some crazy that is not only unhealthy, but also unrealistic? I know so many people that do that, then they have to keep dieting their whole lives because they gain the weight back when they start to eat normally… they just go back to their old ways.

    My theory is nothing is off limits. Everything can be consumed IN MODERATION. If I want chocolate? A Hershey kiss only has like 30ish calories. One of two of those satisfies my sweet tooth!

    Also, congrats on the two pounds! That’s definitely an accomplishment!

    As far as having a lazy day, I allow myself one a week unless I’m really really sick or really really busy. I’m having one today because I have the worst headache ever, like borderline migraine. I’ll just have to fit a workout in on both weekend days. So, don’t beat yourself up over one day. Just get back at it and kick some butt 😉

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